I know that there is so much more I need to do. I know that there is so much I need to follow up on. I know that there is so much more fighting that needs to be done. It's just that I'm so damned tired.
I can't seem to rally anymore. I wake up and look at the mountain in front of me and I can't seem to pull the strength out of myself to put my boots on again. I'm exhausted. I've been fighting for the better part of two years now and I just can't do it.
I am so depressed I don't open the blinds to let the sun in... I don't get dressed much anymore. It takes all the energy I have to feed the animals and to let the dog out. I barely even eat.
I feel ashamed. There are people out there with problems I can't even begin to comprehend and they are fighting everyday with fervor and strength... and I can't even make myself leave the house. I have isolated myself from my friends and family because I am so tired and angry no one wants to be around me anymore. I have, I think, reached the wall. I wish I could rally... but, I've been trying to for the last couple of months to no avail.
I've lost my foodstamps again and I just can't seem to get up and fight for that anymore. Everything has been a fight and I have lost them all.
I surrender.
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